I have one request, please read this through and do not skip
down to our big news. I really want you to hear my heart on this, so if you don’t
have time please come back when you do. J
Thank You.
Since becoming a parent my biggest fear has been that I
would lose one of my children too early.
I have had times where that possibility became very real, and in those
moments I can honestly tell you that I never once doubted God, his awesomeness,
his power to heal, and the strength he gave me to get through no matter what
the end result may be.
A little less than 2 months after our son came home from
Ethiopia, our daughter became very ill. (I know I have written of this before
so for those who do not know this is a short recap.) Elena had a high fever of 105 for a week, no
other symptoms. Towards the end of that
week she wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink, and to be honest looked like she had
been on a 6 day drinking binge. Blood
shot eyes, a strawberry tongue with cherry lips, and she began to walk like she
was 80 years old with severe arthritis. So in a number of events to follow, I
ended up in a helicopter with my baby being life flighted for fear she was
going to have a heart attack…she was 2 ½!
There is so much more to this story, but she lived, she was healed, and
the Kawasaki disease never reached her heart.
Praise God!
A little over a year later, one Sunday my son came down with
a fever. A mere 101 at the time so I
wasn’t too concerned, but it suddenly spiked and while in my arms he started
seizing. Say what?! I did not know what to do! As I held him and
waited for the ambulance I once again was in a situation where I had no
control. While in that ambulance I
prayed to God as I have done before to heal my son, but I also prayed for God’s
will to be done, even if it meant my son was going to see the face of
Jesus. Ugh! Does anyone ever want to
pray that, but I did and a lot of you I am sure have… He ended up being
perfectly fine, but in that moment I didn’t know. It was a turning point for me because I was
praying for God’s will even if it meant saying goodbye to my baby.
Most of you reading, if not all of you have had these kind
of moments. And some of us have lost
precious family and friends, and our lives have been forever changed. Tragedy changes us all the while God carries
us and holds us and loves us through it all.
We have been witnessing more of this locally and all of us reading I am sure
were deeply affected by what happened in Newton. We hold our babies closer and we pray for
their protection.
I talk of this fear because it is a human fear that I wrestle
with and I am sure will for the rest of my life, but because it also greatly
relates to another fear I have.
It’s not just fear of untimely death for my children, but
also a fear of losing the life of a child promised, a child whom I have never
held or met but love fiercely already and whom I would do anything for.
You see Adoption is a fear for me, and yes I have done it
twice but in my weakness I still fear it.
It is an investment like none other and it brings me to my knees like
nothing ever has. It forces me to let go of my humanness to control and give it
Completely to GOD and trust him. I fear
adoption, and I love it more than anything else.
With our first adoption it was a very real possibility that
our sweet Elena wouldn’t come home. You
see a month after she came home Guatemala closed adoptions, and there are still
precious children caught in the middle of that and it’s been five years. I Loved my daughter before I knew who she
was, God had whispered to me that it would be a girl, and then when I did see
her picture at two weeks old, I was done.
I knew she was ours and I watched her grow for almost nine months in
pictures and I did everything I could to get things complete so she could come
home. I prayed and I talked with God
every moment of that time.
Two and half years later we were blessed with Moses. This was a very scary process with some loss
I never expected, but we trusted God no matter what and our sweet Moses has
been home for 3 years now.
Some of my point is that anything can happen in adoption;
truly anything. Everyone’s process is
different, but I rest in the fact our God is always the same.
And so, here we are again in a place of great peace with a
Ton of trust in my God, your God. A God
who makes the impossible possible, and the scary hard bearable.
As most of you know we are adopting again, but domestically
this time around. And with this comes a
whole new set of fears. It is so
different that our last two adoptions, and there is always the chance the
adoption could fail.
You see this past Tuesday my family and I were blessed with
very incredible news and my first reaction was to hide it, to not tell, and we
will just wait. My first reaction was to
try and protect my heart because I could lose.
I realize how silly that is because the things that are happening have
God written all over them (and someday I hope to share more about that) and I
want to tell everyone!
My husband and I are whole heartily invested and in love and
I am going to tell you why and it is because this past Tuesday I found out that
I am going to be a MOTHER of 3 in April, and our family is going to become a family of
5! We have been matched with a beautiful family that I am so humbled to walk
along this journey with and to be a part of the Beautifully hard story God is
writing for all of us; however it may end.
We are soooo stinking excited I tell you, so excited!
So even though a million what if’s could happen, and I fear
that this child may not come home, Today I stand trusting my God, and Today I
am celebrating the fact that I am going to be a Mommy of 3!
** A little side note** We have not told the kids yet, still
trying to figure out how to explain this to them, so if you congratulate us be
aware of our little’s who may have no idea what you are talking about. J
More to come and prayer requests as well. Thanks you for walking with us and praying
for us. God Bless.
To God be the Glory!
Jeremiah 29:11
